"THINGS MY PARENTS TAUGHT ME .... ABOUT ME."

3/20/10
Top ten things (or more) that I learned about myself growing up … but only the things that I learned about me directly from my parents.
1) To be kind.
2) Take care of your family.
3) Work hard.
4) Finish what you start.
5) Have fun.
6) See the world.
7) Be a good human.
8) To communicate.
9) Be honest.
10) Help others.


I like to have fun. Fun is fun. Fun is to be had anytime, day or night, morning or at bed time, there is always time to have fun. It’s fun to be having fun, to be giving of fun, to be fun. Sometimes it’s work to have fun. R.D. Laing once wrote in a poem that, “they are having fun.” Sometimes I want to have the same fun they are having. “It is fun to have fun.” But sometimes I won’t allow myself to have fun until all my work is done. And sometimes I wonder have I deserved this fun? Have I gotten all my work done? When is the work ever truly done? Have I worked to my utmost ability? Will I then allow myself to have the utmost fun?

My fun used to be built around a future event. I would look forward to that fun, to that mysterious, illusion of fun; the “future fun.” I still do. It’s a paradigm that I’ve set up for myself in my head. I like looking forward to things. And I tend to look at them optimistically. The fun that lies ahead gives me fuel for the monotony or struggle of my everyday life or mundane work life. I think this was set up for me in childhood- perhaps a pattern displayed by my parents, work hard-play hard. Work through the year and then go on a fantastic Summer Vacation; to New Jersey, California, Texas, Colorado, New Jersey again. All of it was perfect fun; to see family, to walk on the boardwalk, eat east coast pizza, to eat Italian Ices, to ride the rides and play the games that could win us stuffed animals and coke bottles elongated and filled with multi colored sand designs. Going to Disneyland, to Corpus Christy, to Vail and biking, hiking, walking along the small creek….all of it was exploring….all of it was fun.

As I get older I sometimes withhold the fun until the work is really done; a self-flagellation of waiting until I deserve my fun. Other times, I take my fun the instant I want it, almost as though on credit. And when do I want fun, or want to have fun? -Oh, easy….ALWAYS! Somehow, I’ve been lucky to have lived a fantasy life filled with fun, my work is fun when I can get it, I have fun most days with whatever I’m doing. But other times I put a self imposed blockade on the fun I want to have and declare that I am unworthy of the gifts that fun could give me. All of it is a little bit of distraction and illusion. If all I want is what I want, when I want it….and the “it,” being fun. Then when would anything get done? And I’ve learned when I’m in selfishness mode, this leads….it’s starts out to be fun, but then leads to doom and that’s no fun at all.

And what happens when there’s been too much fun? I’ve tried to replicate that fun, the events that give me that ultimate fun…and that isn’t fun….that’s a lot of work….and work is no fun. So for today, I will try to give myself the gift of fun, by just being grateful for everything in this moment, everything I have, everything I see, everything I hear, everything I smell, everything that is banging around in my brain. All of it is what it is, perfect. This perspective, this journey from this moment forward can be fun, but only if I choose it to be.