"IF ONLY..."

If only I were a fish, I would have been eaten by now and would have fed so many others. My purpose would have been fulfilled. If only I were a cloud, I could have an aerial view of the earth below me and nice peek at the space above, I could watch the other clouds around me, and feel the wind whispering behind. If only I were this, that and the other thing, I could revel in my regret, celebrate my what if’s, pontificate my past. But this is no luxury; this all serves me very little.

Some have posed the idea that if we even open our minds to the possibility of a different thought or decision, that thought or decision begins to play out…that parallel life begins and travels it’s own path. We may at any given time have over 3 million parallel lives happening at once. If that is so, why do most of mine lead to lurid sex acts? Or an ol’ fashioned gunfight outside a saloon? Why do most of my parallel lives find me in the end all be all battle of the robots? And why do I always win? Yes, I will always win! When will the robots learn? When will my subconscious learn, that my will is too strong for me not to fail?

If I were a hammer I’d hammer in the morning, I’d hammer in the wheat fields all over some ham. I’d hammer in snow-time, I’d hammer in the bathhouse, I’d hammer in the toes and the glow sticks, my hamsters and my possums, all over this ham.

What happened yesterday was this, and this I cannot change, so I can’t live in the remorse or disappointment of it. If it were a victorious day, I wouldn’t be able to live in the celebration of it, but maybe I would try. That is something I like to do actually. I like to hang onto my hallowed occasions; those are some of the things I like to fill my mind with in my day. But then they fly away, those feelings of accomplishment, of pride, of ego being fulfilled and then new feelings come in, some of desire, some of fear, some of contentment in just this moment right now.